Katie

I’m resetting my ticker with so much ease and peace it’s ridiculous. After everything that has happened in the past few months of my life, I know this is an okay thing to do. If anyone is wondering if it’s “okay” to reset and begin anew - I say GO FOR IT!! (Not like my opinion is the one you need, but just so you know you’re not alone! lol)

Have a fabulous week, friends

Hello buddies! Does anyone remember me anymore?

 I thought my break would be until the new year, but the Lord has really been putting you all on my heart. So I had to come back early.

I hope you all are doing an amazing job - I don’t have time to read through all of your blogs right now, but I will after work tonight. Can’t wait to catch up!

 My break really helped me to discover the true meaning of life. I have become very involved in my new church family (that we joined in August), my relationships have become much deeper, and I feel at peace. The past two months that I have been away, I have not cared about eating or exercising, I just wanted to focus on family. When I stepped on the scale today - I wasn’t sure what to expect. On Oct. 14th, I was 177 lbs - today I’m 182 lbs. A 5 lb gain is not too terrible. :) 

I went shopping last night and bought healthy food, am jazzed to start working out again - and most of all - am so very excited to get back in touch with you! I’m so blessed to have you all in my life

Have a gorgeous day!

With everything that has been happening in my life lately, I’ve decided I’m going to take a break from buddy slim for a little bit. I appreciate you all SO incredibly much. I just can’t express how grateful I am to have met so many amazing people. The reason for the break is..I’ve become too addicted to it. The site, the scale…I’ve been concentrating so much on trying to be “skinny”. 

A single digit size.

 That is so vain.

I am not extremely overweight. I’m 3 lbs from a healthy BMI. My issue is needing to tone and learn correct portion size. I am healthy. 

My mom lost her husband 4 years ago and now my brother lost his pregnant fiance. Life really is too short to care so much about vanity. I have been spending too much time obsessing over being “skinny”. I need to take a break to focus on taking care of my family, to tell my husband and kids how much I LOVE THEM. They could be gone in the blink of an eye. It’s happened to two of my close family members in less than 5 years. What’s to say it won’t happen to my husband and I? If I were to die in a car accident tomorrow, I would not want to be remembered as someone spending every moment trying to get into the smallest pair of jeans. I want to be remembered for loving with everything I have. For being a wife and mother that spent every possible moment caring for, supporting and treasuring her family. And if my husband were to die tomorrow, I wouldn’t want to beat myself up for caring so much about my appearance. (Which I know I would do because it has caused quite a few tiffs between us.) For the 7 years that I have been with my husband, he has said over and over again that he just wishes I would accept myself and love myself for who I am. Without having to lose a bunch of weight or get into a certain size jeans.

I will be back. I’m thinking I will be back around the beginning of the year. I want to enjoy the holidays like I’ve never enjoyed them before. Lavish my husband and kids in love and undivided attention. My plan for my health is to get a treadmill when we get our taxes back at the beginning of the year. I’ve wanted one for years and this will be the best tool for my weightloss. It will be in my home so I will have no excuse to go to the gym, I will set a good example to my kids when they see me running on it, my social anxiety won’t interfere with my exercise - and it won’t take up time away from my family. I will be able to use it with the kids awake. My husband even wants us to get one so that he can use it as well.

*sigh*

I don’t know if this post makes much sense. My point is that I feel I have not been giving my all to my family because I have been wrapped up in trying to be skinny. (note: not trying to get healthy to live longer for them - it’s been completely shallow - just wanting to be skinny.)

Boy have I learned in the past few years that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. I need to focus on what I have now before it’s gone.

I love you guys and will be back soon. Thank you again for all of your prayers, support, and encouragement!

God Bless you!!

Katie

My brother and his pregnant fiance were T-boned by a drunk driver last night. My brother is in stable condition in the hospital, but his fiance died. She had a toddler at home. Please keep him in your prayers.

Ate like garbage yesterday afternoon and night. Just hoping to maintain at this point

I can’t thank you guys enough for all of your encouragement, support, and overall love that you have given me these past few days. I am so thankful to have this site. I can come here and vent about ANYTHING and someone out there will understand and help me through it. You all are an amazing group of people!

So…back to losing weight…I haven’t exercised AT ALL this week. Yikes. The scale says I’ve lost a pound. I’ll take it with open and grateful arms! That means I am now in the healthy BMI range. The very highest end, but that’s a start. lol I will have my last chance workout tonight and maybe add a walk in tomorrow (even though I try to rest on Sundays). Who knows?? Maybe — just maybe — I’ll be 2 lbs down Monday morning? …. 173 …. WOW! It’s been a couple of years since I’ve been there. How nice it will be to be back.

I decided to talk with my bosses about stuff that’s going on in my life and the fact that I’m really not happy at work. It all came back to what I blogged about yesterday - being depressed over the miscarriage I had in July. My bosses are husband and wife. The wife said, “How can you still be upset by it? If it happened to me, I would just say ‘it’s over with’ and move on.” I tried to explain the situation to her more, but she just didn’t really understand. Her husband told me that no one can help me get through this except myself. I told them that I might go to a Dr for anti-depressants or take some stress management classes or something. They didn’t understand any of it… I wasted an hour in their office and was completely humiliated because a lot of the kids’ parents in my class saw me in the office crying. What they must think of their child’s teacher!! I’m so completely and utterly embarrassed. I wish I never would have said anything.

And to make things more complicated, I walked out to my car after work and my husband saw me balling. He asked what was wrong and I blubbered everything that had happened in the office. His response? “Maybe we should have another baby?” WHAT??!!! The whole reason I’m so upset about the miscarriage is because it was really hard to convince my husband for that baby. After I lost it, he was dead set on not wanting any more. He’s gone back and forth a little bit, but to hear him flat out say that today made me even more of a mess! He said that my desire to have another baby is way stronger than his desire to be done having kids. So now what? I’m afraid to think of taking him up on his offer. If I say anything more about it to him, he’ll probably say he changed his mind and wants to go get snipped. Yikes…what a horrible last couple of days.

What a day this has been! I greatly appreciate your comments on my blog earlier today.

 After a not-so-nice e-mail exchange with my husband, I delved into the only junk food I could find in the house - a can of frosting w/sprinkles. I got about 4 Tablespoons in before I almost threw up. More out of being upset than too much sugar. But, instead of finishing off the whole can, I threw it away. And the thought crossed my mind to just scrap my points journal for the day. Nope. Not an option. I got out my trusty slider and sighed as I realized I had consumed 7 points of junk. Life goes on… thank goodness for Progresso soup! I’ll just have a can of that for a filling 1 point dinner.

Also, I found the no soda challenge in the forums. Jeffrey shared that diet pop can actually cause you to GAIN weight. So…as I posted in the forum, the few cans I have left in the fridge will be put in the pantry for guests to enjoy.

I’m wondering if my extreme fatigue could be from depression? There have been so many major changes that have happened in my life in the past few years. Having 3 kids back to back (one with major medical complications), moving to Boise last year, having a miscarriage in July, and not getting approved for the home loan we were trying for. I’m not enjoying my job as much as I feel I should. There is an absurd amount of drama and it’s really taking a toll on me. When I ask my husband what I should do about it, he just says it’s up to me. I’ve contemplated changing jobs and that just doesn’t make a lot of sense right now. I’ve thought of talking to my boss, but not sure that’s going to do anything but make me look unprofessional and whiney. (sp?) I’m not sure what to do!! Just feeling like a mess right now.

Well, I’m 175 - that’s 3 lbs less than last week. I’m really happy with that, even though I was hoping for 174. Next week I’ll be in the healthy range for my BMI.